The Hokey Pokey

I long for the days of my childhood, where I could spend hours making a house out of leaves, on the front lawn - I had a leaf couch , a leaf table, a leaf bed.

My only worry back then was, am I going to be able to choke down the tuna and peas, in cream sauce, on toast, that sits before me at the dinner table, or will my dad feel compelled to enter us into another, who blinks first contest?

The rules of the contest were, I would be forced to sit at the kitchen table and stare at my food, til it either lept into my gullet, or magically disappeared, or my dad finally gave in- after being bullied by my mother - and let me leave the table.

Sometimes my dad would up the anty and sit a sundae in front of me, to slant the odds in his favor (which should have disqualified him, in my book). It actually was pleasantly distracting, to watch the sundae morph into various stages of deconstruction over time, until it finally resembled something like, well like the cream sauce from my dinner - not so enticing- hah!

As you may have already figured out - I usually won those contests - never under estimate the fortitude of a child faced with peas in cream sauce.

Don't you just love the 70's. Such good clean family fun- peas sauce and hoola hoops - that's what it's all about.

That line reminds me of another 70's favorite -The Hokey Pokey Dance.

"You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in and you shake it all about, do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about."

That song really was low on the challenge scale wasn't it? Especially, if you compare it to the current wedding favorite - The Macarena Dance.

Songs have definitely changed over time. I remember singing and dancing in my room for hours, to the 45 "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy." I'm almost embarrassed to admit it - notice I say, almost, what can I tell you, I'm strange and proud of it.

I would march around my room in circles with my hand on my forehead in a salute. "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, a Yankee Doodle Do or Die. A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the Fourth of July." - What the heck was I singing?!?

I forgot that's what the words to that song were. I think you could get a child to sing about anything as long as it had a catchy tune. "I love eating broccoli and spinach, and keeping my room real clean." Someone should put that to a melody.

Maybe that's what's missing in my life? I need more song and dance; maybe if I sang all day, the tough stuff wouldn't seem so tough.

"Get home from work at 11:00pm, get up at 6:00am to take my son to the doctor", "pay bills and grocery shop", "head out the door to work, get beat up by my customer's", "drive home exhausted, collapse into bed, get woken up at 3:00am to let the dog out".

Wow, that really WAS so much better.

Now if I can just get a hoola hoop going, while I sing, I may just be on to something.

Lisa Alex Gray

Eyes Wide Open

Have you ever found yourself driving down the road, when you open your eyes and notice, you've driven five miles further, than when you last looked?

Now, I have to warn you this is a trick question, it's not about the distance you traveled in five minutes, although kudos to you if you made good time.

It's about your need to - open your eyes - while driving.

I'm sure you are aware, this is not an accepted driving method, in fact, it is highly probable you will be given a ticket, once your car comes to a complete rest in someones’ front yard.

So why do it? Why take out someone’s Hibiscus bushes unnecessarily?

Because - I am a mother/wife/full-time career girl, who is - desperately in need of sleep! (FYI, I have not yet harmed any Hibiscus bushes, so please don't send "The People For The Ethical Treatment of Bushes" after me.)

Yes, I am behind on my sleep. I've just been a bit tired since... Freshman Year, High School; but that's only a 27 year deficit. I can make that up, right?

It all started in Sister Mary's Shorthand class. It's really all her fault. If she had been a more stimulating teacher maybe I could have averted this whole issue.

I remember being in her class, sleeping to the rhythm of her chalkboard drawings of the shorthand symbols for "The quick brown dog jumps over the grey fox."

I mean, really, when were we ever going to need to put that into shorthand? The odds of seeing a brown dog jump over a grey fox had to be one in a million.

In a feeble effort to stay awake in her class, I would watch the clock on the wall for any semblance of movement, until my eyes would start to play tricks on me, and time would begin to move backward.

Then I would move on to phase two of my "Lightening Bolt Strike Me Now Plan", and forcibly hold my eye lids open with my fingers. It would become a battle of fine motor dexterity - the eyelid muscles versus the pointer finger and thumb. It's, actually, really impressive how strong an eyelid muscle can be. How I've ever managed to poke my eyeball with a mascara wand is really beyond me.

Remembering those days, gives me an idea. If our military ever needs to find an affective form of torture, we may want to consider Sister Mary's shorthand class. She may still be available; I think she was around109 years old when she taught my class, which would make her about.....

Well, you do the math.

I guess, until I have figured out my way beyond my sleep deficit, I will continue my daily fantasy of returning home from work and diving head first - shoes, purse, groceries, whatever's on me - into bed.

Then, again, maybe it's time to resurrect my "Lightening Bolt Strike Me now Plan"? At my age, time going backward could work to my advantage.

Lisa Alex Gray