I'm really not in the mood to do anything today, that is other than vaporize or become spontaneously invisible.
Actually I could probably get excited about a rousting game of hide and seek. I'll pick a really good spot to hide, like Nebraska, and everyone else can do whatever.
On second thought I think that was the game the "Runaway Bride" played a couple of years ago. That didn't have a good outcome.
So what can I do to disappear that doesn't involve a massive police manhunt and large amounts of taxpayer dollars?
What if I hire a Stand In? Someone to take over my life for a few days. This service must exist. What do those seat fillers from the Oscars do the rest of the year? I bet they would be available.
I can just imagine how this would work. My family would get up in the morning and find a sign in the kitchen that read - The part of Lisa will now be played by Betty Macdonald.
I think my family would be ok with this. What it really comes down to in my house is food. My family members are kind of like dogs. As long as a bowl of food is placed in front of them at the appropriate time throughout the day they're fine.
So while Betty is handling things at home I can take a vacation from myself. The only question is where will I go? I don't want to go to someone else's house. Then I will have to deal with their problems. I want no problems. I want to be faceless. Maybe I need a mask.
I have a great business idea. Somebody should make faceless masks. They could be made out of that same stiff plastic that Halloween masks were made from in the seventies, with the little elastic string in the back, and punched out eye holes. The kit could also come with one of those one size fits all costumes inside the box. The ones with a cowboy or Wonder Woman printed on them.
I want my costume to be plain though; maybe flesh colored. A flesh colored faceless mask with a flesh colored costume. I'll look like a life size paper doll. You can't get anymore generic than that.
It's trick or treating for adults. The treat is I can wander through my life anonymously for a few days. Unfortunately, the trick is I'll return to a bigger mess; with piles of work, a pissed off husband, and a cranky child. Not sure this is the solution either.
I just did a quick Google search and I have the best idea yet. Those 1970's Halloween masks are still out there. We don't need to reinvent the wheel. We just need to buy a bunch of masks and have them on hand to represent our many moods.
Now if you'll scroll back to the top of this blog you'll see I've already picked out this weeks starting line up.
Lisa Alex Gray